Thursday, January 27, 2011

Hot Jogger Blamed for Epic Golf Collapse

Denver – After three strong rounds of play at the Gauntlet, S. Mooda looked poised to bring home the Royal Gulch Trophy. Up two strokes and within birdie range on hole 3, Mooda had the opportunity to put even more distance between himself and B.E. Taylor. It was at that moment that the tournament took a dramatic swing. Mooda’s putt on 3 was absolutely juiced and rolled inexplicably off the green and into the greenside bunker. After taking two hacks from the beach and two more on the green, Mooda ended up with a very uncharacteristic triple bogey.


After the round Mooda discussed the hole, and more notably, the putt that sent the rest of his round into a tailspin. “I felt good before the putt. I felt that my read was strong and all I needed to do was get up and hit it.  As I was addressing the ball I saw a dog out of the corner of my eye. Then I saw the jogger on the other end of the leash. Uh huh. I think everyone out there saw. Needless to say, the ensuing shot didn’t go as planned.” 



It was apparent that the image of the jogger was stuck in his head as he plummeted down the leaderboard to finish in a disappointing tie for tenth place. “The park is just too goddamn close to the green on 3 and the tee on 4.” An angry S. Mooda was short fused with the media and details of an alleged parking lot altercation are beginning to surface.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Queens

Outside the Stairwell Door

I came busting out of the stairwell door and nearly hit the little lady scurrying by.  She made a noise that a cat might make when it jumps off of a table and hits the ground.  Or a lower pitched guinea pig type sound.  In my surprise I turned and said, whoa sorry.  She was wearing an old wool hat with one of those puffy balls on top that have to be strictly ornamental as I can’t see those serving any type of utility.  She also had on a winter jacket that looked like it had a denim shell on the outside with some kind of writing.  I can’t recall what the writing said because I was so shocked by the pace in which she was moving past the door, the little squeaky terrified noise that came out of her small body and the fact that she didn’t turn around at all to acknowledge my prompt apology.  I contemplated that she was homeless and had found one of the many ways to easily access my “secure” building and escape the cold at sunset.  I started my walk in the opposite direction and then stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned around.  I was hoping that I would catch her looking back at me and at least get a glimpse of her face (which I assumed to be very mouse-like and had it not been, I would have been shocked).  No such luck.  She was, in point of fact, a resident or at least had access to one of the residences mailboxes as she was opening one with her back to me.  Maybe mouse-lady and I will meet again.  Next time I’ll try to knock her over with the door and at least I’d get a good look at her face as she lay in utter shock and panic on the carpeted hallway floor.  Maybe she won’t walk past that stairwell door ever again.